Make your own wedding traditions
Weddings are steeped in traditions and superstitions. White dresses. Not seeing each other on the morning. Something old, new, borrowed, and blue. Often couples face pressure to keep to these traditions, regardless whether they matter to them.
It’s time to throw out that playbook. Your wedding day should have meaning to you. If that means keeping traditions, keep them. But if you’re not keen on any, then drop them or remake them for you.
Here are four ways to rethink traditions when planning your day, your way.
Get ready together.
Tradition: not seeing each other before the ceremony.
This originates from when marriages where business and familial alliances. Couples frequently were kept from seeing each other until the ceremony, lest either one got cold feet over the other’s appearance, like Henry VIII did with Anne of Cleves.
Obviously, we’ve moved on a lot since then. Most couples live together before marriage. Seeing each other before the ceremony won’t bring bad luck - but it might calm nerves and even be a relaxing morning together. If there is one thing Phil and I wish we’d done differently, it would have been to get ready together.
If you still want some surprise, but still want to alleviate nerves, perhaps consider a first look before the ceremony. First looks are a great way to have an intimate moment before the busyness of the day sweeps you away.
Wear what you want.
Tradition: Brides must wear white, a veil, something old, new, borrowed and blue.
There are so many traditions about what brides should and shouldn’t wear. None of them matter. What matters is what you want to wear — what makes you feel good about yourself.
If it’s that a modern jumpsuit, sparkly veil, or a blush gown, none of the above or all of the above, wear it. It might mean wearing nothing new or nothing old or nothing borrowed or nothing blue. The quality of your marriage will not be impacted by a failure to wear a silver sixpence in your shoe, I promise!
That being said, the tradition of borrowing something might mean getting to wear that amazing necklace of your mom’s you’ve always dreamed about. So perhaps don’t throw that tradition out so quickly!
Walk down the aisle together.
Tradition: Brides are given away by their fathers to their husbands.
Another antiquated tradition, in this one, fathers transferred ownership of their daughters to their future husband.
If you’re having someone walk you down the aisle, it should be because they love and support you and your relationship.
Who better, than your future spouse? Imagine the symbolism of walking down the aisle together, hand-in-hand. Taking those first steps towards marriage together, united.
If you’re not keen on walking together, you could also walk alone or with both your parents, or a sibling or a friend. Grooms, this includes you — bet your mother and father would be incredibly honoured.
Give a joint speech.
Tradition: The father of the bride, the best man and the groom give a speech.
I don’t know if you noticed, but that list doesn’t include any women in it.
Why shouldn’t brides, mothers of the bride and/or groom, bridesmaids, and/or groomswomen have a chance to speak? Granted, no one wants to listen to speeches all night (cake and dancing please!) so limit the numbers or time allowed.
We gave a joint speech on our wedding day. Together thanking our family and friends for their support and love. It was one of my absolute favourite moments of the day.
These are just some ideas for planning your day. Some of them might work for you, others might not.
Whatever you do—whether keeping traditions, modifying them or throwing them away—make it about the two of you.
